Experience, Transform, Grow, REPEAT

In the past few years since my spiritual awakening, I have learned much through trial and error. I started by following teachers and processing their teachings to fit my world view. I've had teachers who led me down paths to no where and sometimes even paths to danger. I've also met and learned from phenomenal mentors who've helped me see my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical potential. These are the teachers who show you how to do it yourself. The other teachers also show you resilience and help you whittle away those parts that don't suit you.

I've reached moments on the path, so far, where I've felt like, "Aha! this is it. I know what I'm here in this life for..." only to reach another point of loss or stagnation. Life is a game of cat and mouse and life is a pretty slippery mouse. Those moments of, "I've accomplished this, what next?" tend to bring you back full circle to a crossroads. Often you come face to face, with the things you have crossed in the beginning of the journey. It's like we travel through life as the tarot, starting fresh and new, working through the process of learning, breaking down reconstruction and transformation... and back to work on the next soul project. This is life in all aspects, just as it is to be born, live and die. The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual body all travel their cycles.

So here I find myself again, back at the beginning with new luggage packed with me of things I have learned and accumulated to this point. I'm staring at the fork in the road. I can see down the path of everything I've gone through and can see ahead the path of that which I have not experienced yet.

It is an important and terrifying time in my physical life. My family is leaving behind what we have lived for the past several years and moving out of state. The state we are moving to is my home state of Michigan and the feelings I have about this are complex and interesting.

It's a place that holds very much joy and memory for me as well as a lot of pain and trauma. I spent the first part of my life trying to escape from that place. Experiencing life along the way and feeling the emptiness without it at the same time. I've sat with that constant quest and attempt to hold onto a "home". The place I live never felt exactly like home, yet I know that the place I grew up is not the same as it used to be and I am not the same girl anymore.

The questions spin around in my mind:

How will I be received?

What will I face that has been repressed?

How can I merge the old and new, the Now me with the girl who used to be there?

Complex feelings.

It makes this a time for much reflection and growth, a time for merging all those pieces, and shards and fragments of myself I have left all along the way. There is a lot to face and heal. I know the road back full circle will be challenging, but I'm looking forward to gaining a new perspective and awareness from it. There are things that need to be brought back to the light. It seems like something meant to be... and meant to be Now. I think there will be knowledge in this adventure for me and maybe things I can bring to others as well.

I'm going to start telling the stories, seeking growth and facing old demons. The journey is personal this time but perhaps in it's telling, others can glean whatever may be helpful for themselves.

Stay tuned for the next chapter and the intervening lessons from the past!